The Inner Skeptic

I spend a lot of time thinking about daily practice, reading about daily practice and (wouldn't you know it) actually engaging in daily practice. 

As an initiate in the Feri Tradition, I have a responsibility to myself and to the Gods to be the most present and effective Witch I can be, and the core practices of Feri (kala, alignment, sitting, and the Pentacles, among others) help me to finely hone my soul into the shining golden being I know it really is. 

Yet sometimes I wake up at 6am, look over at my altar and I just cannot face the idea of sitting before the Gods and honouring them with a daily practice. The black statue of the Star Goddess looks lifeless, the unlit candles uninviting. The meditation bench too hard. 

Why is this? Intellectually I know how vital daily practice is in my soul's development and I can feel the energetic THUNK when I drink in the charged water from my kala glass. After the prayer for alignment I can feel my parts coming into greater concert with each other. When I have sat with myself for twenty minutes I feel so much more prepared for the day ahead. 

I feel like myself. 

Thorn Coyle, whose excellent book "Make Magic of Your Life" I am currently reading, points out that what keeps us from practice is mainly fear. I think this is partially true. Forging the path of knowing yourself is scary stuff. But there is another aspect to it that I am just discovering - my inner skeptic. 

I am naturally skeptical of most things. Given that I am a God-invoking, spell-casting, soul-aligning Witch, it is a bit surprising that I tend not to believe in most things. I need to have experience first before I accept it as gospel. 

Angels? Nah. Reincarnation? Only at a poetic level. Magic? Well, who knows? I am too much a product of science to blindly accept things as truth, and when my practice seems like a waste of time, when it seems that half an hour in bed checking Facebook is a more producing use of my time, my inner skeptic has won. 

Part of my path, then, is allowing my inner skeptic, my inner magician and my inner priestess to all sit down to the dinner table together to have a conversation. To allow room for my skeptic to keep me rightly wary of all the rubbish out there. For my priestess to remind me of my sacred duty. 

And after that, to just practise anyway. 

Elements of Practice

Part of being a Feri Witch is a commitment to coming into an evolving relationship with our Selves. We seek to know who we are, to bring ourselves into greater wholeness and integration, and a daily spiritual practice is the foundation for this life's work. 

Commitment to practice is difficult. It involves being honest with ourselves, becoming intimate with the stories we tell ourselves, cultivating a greater capacity to love, and courting presence. 

This is not easy. We can go one of two ways: we can try to structure our practice so much that it becomes static and brittle, not allowing any room for subtle changes we may need on a daily basis. Or, we can have such a forgiving and open practice that we don't value it, instead choosing to stay in bed an extra twenty minutes rather than sitting before the altar. 

There is a third way, the way of paradox. In Feri, we seek to align ourselves with paradox, recognising that the greatest of Mysteries involve the coming together of two seeming opposites to form a whole. This is the way of the Divine Twins, and we can bring this energy into our morning devotional work. Yes, we need room for flexibility, spontaneity and forgiveness. But we also need some disciplined structure to help us minimise unnecessary resistance. 

The four elements are huge allies to us in this work. In this respect, I work with them as the foundation for my daily practice as a Feri Witch. Below I present to you suggestions for a daily practice that is realistic, structured, yet open and flexible. 

Spirit - Begin your practice with connection to God Her/Self. Pray to your own Godsoul before any Gods ("Thou shalt have no other Gods before ME") and then sense if any allies wish to work with you that day. Don't simply do a rote call of all the different allies you work with! This devalues your relationships. Imagine speaking to your parents on the phone every single day...

Air - This is the space for prayerful intention. Articulate what your desire is, and what you hope to achieve that day. This is a free-form prayer, but it might be useful to have a "set" prayer to get you started, then carry on afterward. 

Fire - I place energy work in Fire. For me, this includes an integrated Kala and Ha prayer, as well as running Iron and Pearl Pentacles. Again, there should be some structure here, and if you are feeling resistance in energy work it might be helpful to journal on this. 

Water - This element is the element of flow, of paths, winding rivers that lead to the sea. I place divination in this element, given its watery nature. I think it is a great habit to pull a daily card or rune. I often phrase the question as "What information do I need to have the best day possible?" This gives me a bit of a heads-up on the day ahead. 

Earth - Sitting practice and meditation is a cornerstone of my Feri practice. People often associate meditation with the mind and loftiness, but I haven't found that to be correct. True mindfulness meditation brings us deeper into our body and physical patterns, not out of it. 

Spirit - Finish your practice by reconnecting with God Her/Self. Thank any allies that were present, and send a kiss to your own Godsoul. 

Daily practice isn't supposed to be a chore, or something rote. It is a daily connection with our spirituality, giving us a foundation on which to build our lives. 

Practice doesn't make perfect; practice makes presence. 

Pagan Values Month 2013: Embodiment

"By the Earth that is Her body,

And by the Air that is Her breath. 

By the Fire of Her bright spirit, 

And by the living waters of Her womb.."

- A Feri Tradition circle casting 

My theology and values are grounded in embodiment, which is the recognition that we are holy spirits clothed in an equally sacred temple of living flesh that feels and breathes and sweats and shits and tastes and hurts and orgasms. This body is no less important than our minds or souls, for indeed there is only unity where we falsely perceive separation. It is through the awesome ability of our bodies to interact with the environment that we have any perception or experience of external "reality". 

Ok...so our minds are obviously important. (Although, the concept of "Mind" is far beyond the scope of this blogpost!) They allow us to make rational decisions, to communicate on an abstract level, and plan for the future. Nevertheless, our primary functions as human beings are physical. We NEED to breath and we NEED to consume water. Without these, we would die. 

We like to think that our Talker (the part of our soul that deals with mental processes) is the one running the show. To add insult to injury, our Talker allows us to make decisions that our just not good for our body. A core practice in Feri is to bring all of our parts into sacred alignment so that we have access to all of our faculties, which includes our capacity as physical human beings. If our Talker, Fetch and Godsoul are all on the same page, we have greater access to our true physical wants and needs. 

Part of my current practice is changing my diet to bring myself into greater physical health. I am currently on a diet of meat, fish, eggs, vegetables and nuts, which attempts to mimic the diets of our distant ancestors. I also cycle to work while doing resistance training several times a week. This is my route to physical health. It is up to the individual (neatly tying in my value from last year - personal sovereignty!) to ascertain what they can do to bring themselves into their own optimum health. 

Physical health then, is also a core Pagan value, and this includes the physical health of the community and the Earth, as well as our own bodies. (Ecology as a Pagan value has been discussed elsewhere I am sure!). It goes without saying that my health is not the same as your health, for we are all autonomous creatures with vastly different life experiences. That said, I believe that we can all do a little bit more to improve our physical health, as an act of devotion if nothing else. 

The opening invocation above (which is used in many Feri circles) allows me to recognise that God Her/Self is a sum of four physical elements and that She is embodied, just like I am.  Not for us a God removed from the Universe. The Goddess actually IS the Universe, and we are all in physical process with Her. 

What all this means for the individual Pagan is bound to be different from my views, but I think most Pagans would have no problem sitting atop a hill, feeling the wind in their hair, the sun gently warming their face, intoning:

"By the Earth that is Her body..."

Spell Checking for April Fool's

Today is April 1st. In the UK, this is known as April Fool's Day. I love the idea of the Fool in the tarot representing the Witch. We stand on a cliff, about to cast our spell, trusting that the outcome will be positive. I am a firm believer in planning and being a bit more scientific when it comes to magical practice. To that end, before doing any spellwork, careful planning with divination is necessary. 

Here is a process I have devised using a combination of tools to give an overview of a spell working. 

You will need:

-      Set of obi or dice (basically, any yes/no type oracle)

-      Deck of playing cards

-      Deck of Tarot cards or set of runes

-      Deck of Lenormand cards

1.     Using the obi or dice, find out if your spell working is justified. If you get a positive outcome, proceed to the next step.  If you don’t, rephrase the desire, or change the intention of the spell until you get a positive outcome.

2.     Lay out the tarot cards or runes (the large ones) in the numbered order shown in the picture. The spread shows the following:

1.     Your current situation

2.     Your underlying motivation for change

3.     What you are working towards

4.     What can be ‘cut’ or cleared from your life

5.     What can be changed or attracted into your life

3.     For the parts that show what can be cut and attracted into your life, (4 and 5), these can refer to mundane or magical actions – use your judgment to ascertain what and how. Add extra tarot cards to clarify these.

4.     To clarify timing, number of candles etc, use the playing cards over positions 4 and 5. Questions regarding number of ingredients can be used just using the number of the playing card. In terms of timing (how often the spell/bath should be repeated etc) use the following:

§       The number of the card shows how many days the spell should be cast

§       The suits show when the spell should be cast:

·      Spades – Between midnight and sunrise

·      Clubs – Between sunrise and noon

·      Hearts – Between noon and sunset

·      Diamonds – between sunset midnight

5.     Lay out the five Lenormand cards in the order given. This gives a clue as to the outcome of the spell over the five elemental parts of your life (mental, energetic, emotional, physical, spiritual). It can also be used to tell a narrative of the outcome of your spell. 

6.     Once you have gained all the information, ask if there is any more information using the obi or dice. If there isn’t any more information, close the reading. If there is other information, draw another card and question the obi again. Repeat until the obi indicates there is no more information given. 

Happy divining and spell casting!

Watering the Flower(s)

"Who is this flower above me? And what is the work of this God? I would know myself in all my parts. " - Feri Tradition prayer, from Victor Anderson.

Some days, my daily practice seems like a huge task. In order to get to work on time, I leave the house just after 7 - if I factor in my daily practice I have to wake up at 5.30. This is sometimes difficult, especially in the cold and wintery weather we've been having recently, and my Vivi just wants to stay comforted under the duvet for another half an hour.

If I miss a day's practice, I've missed an opportunity for growth, alignment, and wholeness. The odd missed day is okay, but I liken it to missing gym workouts. If I miss one out of four, it doesn't impact too much, but if I only manage one workout a week, not much progress is made.

Sometimes I catch glimpses of my soul as an unfolding flower. This flower will never be fully bloomed; it is in a continuous flux of blooming and closing, with my daily practice being the careful watering and tending of the unique flower that is my Self. One day missed will not kill the flower, but too little care and practice can lead to ill-health and a stunted bloom.

Courting Presence

To be truly present in each moment is the work of a lifetime. To be fully aware of all our parts, graced by the kiss of our divinity (what Feri Tradition calls being "self-possessed) is our only true spiritual goal. Of course, there are many smaller goals that contribute to this over-arching aim. (Hmm...somehow calling it a spiritual aim doesn't do it justice. This implies a linear direction, almost like the aim of an arrow. In my almost 5 years of Feri study, I can more accurately describe it as a flowering.)

Although we may at first catch only glimpses of intentional presence, a tingling at our sex and crown with our heart beating and the air in our lungs, if we court our divinity like a lover, it will eventually be a constant companion.

I am currently reading T. Thorn Coyle's latest book, Make Magic of Your Life, which is centred on finding one's desire and living it, seen through the lens of the Witch's Pyramid (to Know, Dare, Will, and Keep Silence). Part of finding one's desire, I believe, is to stay in the present as much as possible, not reliving the past unnecessarily, nor imagining some potential future which is unlikely to occur.

This is difficult work! Indeed, scores of books, websites, and spiritual traditions are centred on the cultivation of presence or mindfulness.

I was reminded today of Thorn's definition of magic, "the marriage of breath, Will and desire", when I went to my spinning class after work. Now, for those who have never been to a spinning class, it is a hardcore cardio class of roughly 45 minutes on a stationary bike. It is a killer class, and not an easy thing to do after a hard day's work.

During the class, about ten minutes in, I was aware of how many people were glancing at the clock on the wall. They most likely did not want to be there, probably there out of some sense of "should". Mentally, they had already showered and gone home for dinner!

I attempted to be more present than this. I focused on my breathing, the burning of my muscles, the swear pouring down my forehead, the coarseness of the towel, the sweetness of the water. I spoke to my Vivi, soothing her, telling her that this was ok, and that this was good for us. I did feel some resistance (and I might have checked the clock myself a couple of times...) but the important thing was that I tried an act of magic: "The marriage of breath, Will, and desire."

Firstly, by breathing and focusing on oxygen going into my body, I was courting presence as well as focusing on the interconnection of God Herself. By Will, I mean I have cultivated this by simply showing up to the class. It would be easier for me to go home, have a cup of tea and watch television. And you know what? The first few classes were tough. But, merely beginning and showing up once made it easier to repeat the process.

And what is my desire? To honour my body by taking care of it and getting it strong. This, to use Thorn's definition, is both a want and a need. By taking care of my body and making it strong, all other parts are easier brought into the fold - my mind is sharper, my emotions more stable, and my spirit more joyous. This feeds into my greater desire, which is ultimate connection with the flow of God Herself.

Let the Sun Shine!

Today is the first day that I have felt spring coming. The sun is gently warming, the trees and plants are stirring, and my heart is unfolding with possibility.

Spring is my favourite season. It is hopeful, light, joyous, and expectant. We can imagine the delights to come, enjoying the warm weather in anticipation of the heat of summer. The smell of freshly cut grass, the chirping of birds, the kiss of a lover in the sun, are all part of the fabric of God Herself.

In a couple of weeks, I will be celebrating the Spring Equinox with my circle. We will invoke the Gods of springtime, the youth and the maiden, the Twins in Their guise as Dian y Glas and Nimue. We will dance with them and sing with them, casting our spells of hope and joy like the insemination of an egg.

New life. Hope. Expectation. Love.

These are the things I wish to conjure this spring.